Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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