Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
