My liver just broke up with me...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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