This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
