I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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