I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
