they need to just BURY HIM!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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