There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
