Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
