is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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