Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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