I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
