I wish I only lived at night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
