I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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