Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
