we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
