She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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