i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
