I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
