I bet he comes in French.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
