New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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