she told me i tasted like america
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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