the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
