if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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