The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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