shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
