whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
