Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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