How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
