ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
