look no pants
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
