I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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