I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
