What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
