Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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