did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
