I wish I only lived at night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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