I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
two words...techno handjob
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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