The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
