we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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