The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
