I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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