My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
