oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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