he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
