Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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