I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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