Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
