So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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