Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
