i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
