i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
