I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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