Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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