I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
