She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need moral support for this bender
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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