I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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