Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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