i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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