I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
