the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
