Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
