and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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