I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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