Where is the hickey?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
