The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
