eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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