I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
