I wish you could order shots online.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
